Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
