Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
