I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
