If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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