Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize