you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
