if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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