dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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