I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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