Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
