Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
