You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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