After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
