I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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