Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
