i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
