We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
