i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
