your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
