So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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