If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
