you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
