i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
