Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
