i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
