Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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