I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
