sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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