oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
