Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize