what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
