I hate your face
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
