That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
