God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
