You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
