i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
