I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
