What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
