she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
