i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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