Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
