I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
