i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
