did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am mentally ready for anal.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
