The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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