loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just gift wrapped bread.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
