So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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