So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
