my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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