I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
