I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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