Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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