we have officially lost it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize