She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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