she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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