You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
