i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
