I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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