Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
