I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
