Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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