Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
