What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
