Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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