also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
