I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
