i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
organizing the empties. That sober.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
