Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize