And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
