she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
