Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
