OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
