you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize