Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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