You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she peed on how many people?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
