Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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