I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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