My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
