it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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