The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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