I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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