I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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